School Performances and Sports Events

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A great way to support the community and go on a fun date is to attend a concert, sports event, or theatre show at a local school, church, or community center.  Oftentimes these events are free or little cost to attendees.  I did gymnastics in high school, and a few years ago I was invited to go on a date to a meet at a high school my friend coached at.  It was such a fun night!  I really wanted to get on the balance beam and do a tuck jump!  It was fun to support the kids and reminisce about our school days.  Just last weekend I attended at free talent show (that some of my friends were in) and had a great time watching people sing, play guitar, harmonica, and even the digeridoo.  I appreciate people sharing their talent and being vulnerable.

This morning I read about a study on the health benefits of holding hands.  Happily married women were introduced to stressful situations (being shocked) and their response and brain activity was monitored by an MRI machine.  The results showed that when they held hands with their husband the brain activity in the stress response areas of the brain significantly decreased.  The study concluded, “If happy couples do more hand-holding, and hand-holding reduces stress, and less stress leads to better health, then it can only be assumed that happy marriages lead to better health… Just squeeze a little squeeze into your daily routine… it’s good for your relationship and your health.”

Pick an event to attend together and strengthen your marriage by holding hands.  Share your experience in the comments section below.  I’d love to hear what you did.

A Little Snappy

All you need for this date is your spouse, a camera, and the scenery around you.  It's time to practice your photography skills.  whether you take photos of each other, the beautiful scenery, or set up a tripod and take pictures of you as a couple.  This is a fun way to spend time together and create some beautiful memories.

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Since we are on a photo shoot, let's talk about body language.  Out body language says a lot about us.  In fact, nonverbal communication makes up about 80% of communication.  Leaning in when our spouse is talking or using eye contact shows a more genuine interests in what they have to say.  A simple pat on the leg or arm around the waist can speak volumes.  take some time as you're out and about photographing to use body language to express your love and appreciation for your spouse.  Research shows that body language can show how much you value your spouse.

Where are your favorite places to go in the Seattle area to take pictures?  Comment below to share your ideas.

What We Can Learn from Plants

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This is a simple date that teaches and helps us practice the important marriage principle of nurturing and loving unconditionally.  It begins by going to the Bellevue Botanical Garden.  The 53 acre garden is full of beautiful wetlands, a Japanese garden, fuchsias, dahlias, ferns, and native plants- they even have a rock garden.  In the water wise garden, visitors can learn about gardening tips that conserve resources, attract butterflies (and other wildlife), and help create healthier environments.  After walking through the gardens, spread out a blanket on the lawn, enjoy a picnic together, and talk about your favorite parts of the park.  On you way home, stop at a nursery and each pick a plant.  It can be an indoor plant, flowers for the front yard, or even seeds for a vegetable garden.  Your job is to practice unconditional love by nurturing your plant daily.

In Richard Carlson’s book, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”, he has a section about nurturing a plant.  I thought his insights tied in perfectly with promoting healthy marriages.  He said, “One of the goals of spiritual life and one of the requirements of inner peace is to learn to love unconditionally.  The problem is, it’s really hard to love a person, any person, unconditionally.  The person we are trying to love inevitably says or does the wrong thing, or fails to meet our expectations in some way.  So, we get upset and put conditions on our love: ‘I’ll love you, but you have to change.  You must act the way I want you to act.’… A plant, however, is easy to love just the way it is.  Therefore, nurturing a plant offers us an excellent opportunity to practice unconditional love.”

He continues by talking about the transformational power of peace that comes from this type of love.  He suggests, “Talk to your plant, tell it how much you love it… Love your plant whether it blooms or not, whether it lives or dies.  Just love it.  Notice how you feel as you offer this plant your unconditional love.  When you offer this type of love you’re never agitated, irritated, or hurried.  You’re simply in a loving space.”  As you practice this type of love for a plant, it will become easier to extend this type of love to those around you.

Practice Empathy

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This morning I was thinking about how thankful I am that I have people in my life who are able to look past my behavior and know my heart.  There is often times a gap between where I want to be and my ability to be that person (at least right now).  I know that when people are able to see my potential as opposed to the little things I do wrong throughout the day, it allows me the room to feel confident in myself and gives me the strength to keep trying to improve.  Spouses can be our biggest cheerleaders in helping us feel valued and capable.

When was the last time you decided not to get upset when your spouse made a mistake?  Instead of anger or frustration, meet them with empathy and understanding.  Most of the time they already know they’ve messed up and pointing it out only makes them feel worse.  In some cases, you might be able to offer assistance and help fix things.  Marriage is about teamwork and that means working together even when one of the members of the team fumbles the ball.

Double Date- Bowling

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When was the last time you and your spouse went out with some friends on a double date?  It’s good to get out of the house and go on a date with your spouse, but it’s also important to go out together with other couples.  There are some great benefits to group dating:

• Breaks up routine
• See your spouse from a different perspective
• People tend to dress up more when going out with another couple
• If you’re going through a rough time, hanging out with friends who are happy can be positive
• Spending time with other couples can be inspiring

Bowling is a great group activity!  I love going bowling because it’s fun, easy to have a conversation during, and competitive.  The date can also be as short or long as you want, depending on how many games you decide to play.  If regular bowling isn’t exciting enough, there are many variations to mix things up such as Skittles Bowling.  Skittles Bowling is when you pour a Skittle out of the bag at the beginning of your turn and depending on what color you get determines the way you bowl.  Here is an example:

Green- Bowl with your opposite hand

Red- Throw between your legs

Yellow- Granny-style bowling

Purple- Use the ramp

Orange- Bowl normal

So, call up your friends and head to the bowling alley for a great night out.

http://bowling.byu.edu/date_ideas.html

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/12712/10-Ways-Double-Dating-Helps-Your-Relationship/

Rattlesnake Ridge

Hiking Rattlesnake Ridge w/ my Brother (1/18/16)

The Pacific Northwest is a pretty magical place for outdoor adventures.  Hiking is a great activity, but many times that requires a big time commitment.  That is why I’ve decided to feature one of my favorite close to the city hikes in today’s post.

Rattlesnake Ridge is a quick drive up I-90 to North Bend.  The trail is well-maintained and is a relatively easy 4 mile round trip hike.  Walk through the forest with beautiful views along the way to keep you motivated and reward your progress.

At the top is a very exposed ledge (so be careful if you bring kids or pets).  It’s a great spot to soak up the sun on a nice day and to enjoy the scenic views of the Cedar River watershed, Mt. Si, Rattlesnake Lake, and Chester Morse Lake.

Hiking is a great activity to do as a couple because it promotes good conversation.  I’ve found it easy to have deep conversations while walking side by side with someone in nature.  Need help coming up with questions?  There are a lot of ideas on the internet.  I’ve posted a few ideas below (as well as a link to the article I found them from).

• What movie deserves a sequel?
• If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your alias?
• What is your most impressive car repair skill?
• What would you refuse to do for one million dollars?
• If you could close one fast food chain, what would it be?
• What household chore have you never done?
• What would be the best thing about not having a sense of smell?
• What is the scariest scene you remember from a kid’s movie?
• If you could dis-invent one thing, what would it be?
• What is the greatest pain you have ever suffered?
• If you could buy one object to complete your home, what would it be?
• Do you have a place where you would like to go and think?  If so, where?

Directions from Seattle: Drive east on I-90 to exit 32.  Turn right off the ramp onto 436^th Ave SE/Cedar Falls Road SE.  Follow the road for about four miles until you reach the Rattlesnake Lake parking lot.

Another bonus to this hike is that it doesn’t require a Discover or Northwest Forest Pass.

http://mrdarcycheated.blogspot.com/2013/04/50-fun-random-date-nightroad-trip.html

Thunderbirds Hockey Game

I went to my first Thunderbirds game this season and it was AWESOME!  I had a great time and would recommend it to everyone.  Even if you don’t know anything about hockey or think it might not be your thing, I assure you, you’ll have a good time.

I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I knew hockey was a violent game.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see a bunch of guys fight and beat each other up on the ice.  However, to my surprise, it was entertaining and was exciting watching the guys get into tiffs.

Also impressive are the skating skills of the players!  I was shocked at how quickly they were able to fall on the ice and get back up in what seemed like one coordinated/graceful motion.

Two activities at the ShoWare Center that added to the fun were the blimp that dropped beef jerky and the chuck a puck game- where you can purchase rubber pucks and at the appropriate time, chuck them onto the ice to win prizes.

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Attending a Thunderbirds game is an affordable sporting event that’s great for a date.  We went during the 2-for-Tuesday night.  This means tickets are priced 2-for-1 and they have specials where $2 can get you a hot dog, popcorn, soft drink, or beer.

The marriage principle I took away from attending the game was thinking about time outs (the penalty box).  When we are having a verbal conflict with our significant other, a large amount of adrenaline and other hormones are released.  Instead of thinking rationally and clearly with the front of our brains, we begin to think with the back and go into a fight-or-flight response.  We say things we don’t mean and end up causing damage to our relationships.  John Gottman discovered that with as little as a 10% heart rate increase (from a person’s resting heart rate) a person begins to switch to fight-or-flight mode and should take some time to calm down before returning to the discussion.

http://www.seattlethunderbirds.com/

What’s Your Love Language?

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Growing up I learned that we should treat people how we want to be treated.  This is a great philosophy, but it doesn’t take into consideration that people feel love and acceptance differently.  When we take the time to understand what it is that makes our spouse feel loved, it becomes easier and we become more effective at showing them that we care.

Gary Chapman wrote a book called, “The 5 Love Languages” which has given couples great insight into different ways people feel loved and how to speak their language.  The book categorizes people into 1 of 5 groups: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

A fun date idea is to sit down with your spouse, take the quiz, and talk about the concepts it teaches.  Do you agree with the results?  Is the way your spouse shows love the same as when you first started dating?  How has it changed and adjusted over the years?

The quiz can be found in the book, or it can be found online at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ .

After you determine what love language you each speak, take a look at ideas below and pick at least two or three things off your spouse’s list to do this week.

http://preengaged.com/category/series/love-language-practical-tips/

http://verilymag.com/2015/02/five-love-languages-valentines-day-gift-guide

Love Letters

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With Valentine’s Day coming up this weekend, I thought it would be a good chance to take the time to express love and appreciation to those we care about the most.  The activity is simple- all it requires is paper, envelopes, pens, and some stamps.

Sit down with your spouse and make a list of people you would like to thank or express appreciation for.  Once you have a list, take some time to talk about why you put each person on the list and what you want to tell them.  Divide up the list or work together on writing these notes of love and appreciation.  After you finish your list, take some time to write a love letter to each other. (Make sure to send the note to your spouse through the mail… it’s way more fun and romantic!)

Also, to add to the fun, if you have love letters from parents or grandparents, it can be exciting to read about the love they have for each other and learn more about your family history.

Taking time to express gratitude is a great way to strengthen relationships.  Research shows it is beneficial for both the giver and receiver.  I recently read an article (and have posted the link below) that says those who feel grateful for their significant other do more to maintain their relationship.  What a simple way to make everyone feel loved during this Valentine’s Day season.

http://healthypsych.com/gratitude-helps-us-build-better-relationships/

Bellevue Downtown Park

This park is one of my favorite places on the Eastside. It reminds me of a miniature Central Park because of the open space surrounded by skyscrapers and city skyline. The park features a ½ mile pedestrian loop, canal, waterfall, reflection pool, picnic area, playground, art, and garden. There are nearby shops and restaurants along the outer perimeter. During the winter, the reflection pool turns into an ice skating rink, and during the summer there are volleyball tournaments, free outdoor movie nights, and many other camps and activities. Future plans are in progress to build an amphitheater for concerts. Throughout the year there are plenty of activities to make this park a happening place. 

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The 20 acre park sits on the foundation of the former South Union High School. If you look closely in the large field, you can still see part of the concrete foundation. If you visit the park, you may notice three trees amid the large field as well. Those trees are a WWI memorial. The memorial was erected on November 11, 1926 in honor of three local men killed in the war. I love that the city saved the history of the park and I think it adds to the connection and sense of community I feel when I use the park.
Going for a walk around the park is a great date activity, especially on a warm summer evening. After a few laps, find a bench to sit on, look up at the stars, and talk about the future. Walking is a great activity for strengthening marriages because it gives couples a chance to have uninterrupted time to communicate. Walking means getting out of the house, fresh air, exercise, and alone time. It reduces anxiety because it decreases cortisol levels (which increases with stress and so decreasing it produces a sense of peace and clarity.) 

https://www.bellevuewa.gov/downtown_park_and_rose_garden.htm

Goldmyer Hot Springs

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Nestled in the foothills of the Cascades, Goldmyer Hot Springs might be the wildness experience you and your spouse are looking for!  Hike or mountain bike to the oasis on the Middle Forks Trail through one of the last remaining old-growth forests in the PNW (some of the trees are over 900 years old).  Once you arrive, check-in with the caretakers, and get ready to unwind and relax in one of the three hot springs or cold pool.  The three hot pools are all interconnected and the temperature decreases as it moves down each pool, with a temperature range from 111 to 104 degrees.  One of the favorite spots is the pool located in a cave.

Only 20 people per day are allowed to use the pools, so it’s best to call ahead and make a reservation.  Keep in mind that amenities are limited.  They include an open-air cabana, campsites, picnic tables, outhouses, and a bike rack.  The price is $15 per day and $5 to camp overnight.

Hiking is a great way to unwind, unplug, exercise, and reconnect.  Taking the time to breathe fresh air and enjoy the sights and beauty of nature is sure to be a rewarding experience.  Soaking in the hot springs can help soothe aching muscles, and help with stress relief and relaxation.  This trip may be just the thing to feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

http://www.goldmyer.org/index.php?m=1

At Home Spa Night

I don’t know about you, but stress brings out some of the worst in me.  I become irritable and honestly, not a very pleasant person to be around.  My ability to be a kind, rational person seems to go out the window.  I had a moment last night on my way home from work where my stress reached critical mass.  I was on the phone with a friend and the more they tried to help the stressful situation I was trying to fix, the more I got angry and annoyed.  It was at the point that nothing they said was going to change or help anything.  I didn’t want to be around people and I needed a break.  I just wanted to go home, turn out the lights, and call it a day.

We’ve all have times where stress has surmounted and wreaks havoc on our relationships with our spouse or loved ones.  One way I have personally found that helps me remedy stress and anxiety is to take a time out and do something for myself.  A little bit of pampering can really help settle my feelings and bring me back to reality.  Sometimes a night in is just what we need.  Doing it together with your spouse is even better!

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve included two recipes (one for a facial and one for a foot soak) with items you probably already have at hand.  Feel free to make the evening as elaborate as you’d like, but I prefer to keep it simple.

Face Mask: Honey and Cinnamon (optional).  Honey is great for your skin!  It is moisturizing, antibacterial, anti-inflammatory and has antioxidants.  The added cinnamon in this recipe has healing properties and brings blood and oxygen up to the outer layers of the skin.  The ratio for this recipe is about 3 parts honey to 1 part cinnamon.  Apply the mask and leave on for 20 minutes.  Rinse with warm water.

Foot Scrub: Listerine and Vinegar.  I know this recipe sounds weird, but trust me!  Add about ¼ cup of Listerine and ¼ cup of vinegar (I suggest apple cider vinegar) to some water and soak your feet for 10 minutes.

Ferry, Pizza, & Ice Cream

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This date combines three really great things- a scenic ferry ride, pizza, and famous ice cream.  The adventure begins at Pier 52 along the Seattle waterfront- the Seattle Ferry Terminal.  Purchase walk on tickets to Bainbridge Island and enjoy beautiful scenery as the ferry taxies you across Elliott Bay.  Once you arrive on the island, you will have plenty of time to explore the shops and beauty of the small town of Winslow.  Along the way, grab a slice (or whole) pizza from the cute little pizza shack, “That’s A Some Pizza”.  There is both indoor and outdoor seating available along this quaint tree lined street.  As you continue your walk along Winslow Way, there will be plenty of boutiques selling art and clothing.  An ice cream cone is a perfect ending to this fun date.  Stop at Mora’s Creamery for some fresh churned dessert.  I must warn you, there are so many delicious and unique flavors that it can be difficult to decide which one you want!  In addition to traditional flavors there are unique flavors such as lavender, ginger, and grapefruit.  One of my personal favorites is mora (blackberry).  Make your way back to the ferry terminal to return to Seattle.  I especially love coming back in the evening because the Seattle skyline looks amazing!

This is also a great family date, double/group date, or fun activity for out of town guests.

Our spouse and families should be a high priority.  We can deepen and strengthen our relationships as we simply spend time together.  I love this quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner… and by just having fun together.  In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.  Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home.  We talk with, rather than about, each other.  We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities.”

Take some time this week with your spouse to have fun and show your love.

Links to information on the ferry schedule, the pizza place, and Mora ice cream:

http://www.wsdot.com/ferries/schedule/ScheduleDetailByRoute.aspx?route=sea-bi

http://www.thatsasome.com/

http://moraicecream.com/

Crossroads Open Mic Night

This is the perfect date for couples with musical talent, or even for those who just appreciate listening to music.  The 1^st Thursday of every month, Crossroads Mall has an open mic night.  The show is from 6-9pm and sign ups begin at 5:30.  You are allowed to perform 2 songs or 8 minutes of music (whichever is shorter).  They have a great sound system and a technician who will gladly help you get set up and balance the sound. 

Head over early and grab some dinner at one of the many restaurants in the food court. (I know it sounds weird to suggest eating in a food court, but Crossroads is known for their amazing food court with dishes from many places around the world.)

So, enjoy some international cuisine and sit back and enjoy the musical performances from people in the community.  If you can’t find a sitter for the kids, bring them along.  Often you’ll see little kids at the base of the stage dancing.  It’s pretty adorable.

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Performing together puts couples in a situation where they are vulnerable.  According to Brene Brown, vulnerability is at the center of having meaningful experiences and relationships.  It will be an exhilarating and rewarding experience to go out there and perform in front of an audience.  In a marriage, individuals should feel safe and trust that they can be open and vulnerable without fear of their partner choosing not to love them back.  Have the courage to get on that stage and be seen without fear of criticism or unacceptance.

In addition to the open mic night, there are live performances on most nights of the week.  This includes local schools, folk dancers, jazz bands, pianists, children’s story tellers, and even a harmonica player.

Check out the schedule for upcoming performances at the link below:

http://www.crossroadsbellevue.com/EventsCalendar/MonthView