What’s Your Love Language?

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Growing up I learned that we should treat people how we want to be treated.  This is a great philosophy, but it doesn’t take into consideration that people feel love and acceptance differently.  When we take the time to understand what it is that makes our spouse feel loved, it becomes easier and we become more effective at showing them that we care.

Gary Chapman wrote a book called, “The 5 Love Languages” which has given couples great insight into different ways people feel loved and how to speak their language.  The book categorizes people into 1 of 5 groups: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

A fun date idea is to sit down with your spouse, take the quiz, and talk about the concepts it teaches.  Do you agree with the results?  Is the way your spouse shows love the same as when you first started dating?  How has it changed and adjusted over the years?

The quiz can be found in the book, or it can be found online at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ .

After you determine what love language you each speak, take a look at ideas below and pick at least two or three things off your spouse’s list to do this week.

http://preengaged.com/category/series/love-language-practical-tips/

http://verilymag.com/2015/02/five-love-languages-valentines-day-gift-guide

Love Letters

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With Valentine’s Day coming up this weekend, I thought it would be a good chance to take the time to express love and appreciation to those we care about the most.  The activity is simple- all it requires is paper, envelopes, pens, and some stamps.

Sit down with your spouse and make a list of people you would like to thank or express appreciation for.  Once you have a list, take some time to talk about why you put each person on the list and what you want to tell them.  Divide up the list or work together on writing these notes of love and appreciation.  After you finish your list, take some time to write a love letter to each other. (Make sure to send the note to your spouse through the mail… it’s way more fun and romantic!)

Also, to add to the fun, if you have love letters from parents or grandparents, it can be exciting to read about the love they have for each other and learn more about your family history.

Taking time to express gratitude is a great way to strengthen relationships.  Research shows it is beneficial for both the giver and receiver.  I recently read an article (and have posted the link below) that says those who feel grateful for their significant other do more to maintain their relationship.  What a simple way to make everyone feel loved during this Valentine’s Day season.

http://healthypsych.com/gratitude-helps-us-build-better-relationships/

Bellevue Downtown Park

This park is one of my favorite places on the Eastside. It reminds me of a miniature Central Park because of the open space surrounded by skyscrapers and city skyline. The park features a ½ mile pedestrian loop, canal, waterfall, reflection pool, picnic area, playground, art, and garden. There are nearby shops and restaurants along the outer perimeter. During the winter, the reflection pool turns into an ice skating rink, and during the summer there are volleyball tournaments, free outdoor movie nights, and many other camps and activities. Future plans are in progress to build an amphitheater for concerts. Throughout the year there are plenty of activities to make this park a happening place. 

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The 20 acre park sits on the foundation of the former South Union High School. If you look closely in the large field, you can still see part of the concrete foundation. If you visit the park, you may notice three trees amid the large field as well. Those trees are a WWI memorial. The memorial was erected on November 11, 1926 in honor of three local men killed in the war. I love that the city saved the history of the park and I think it adds to the connection and sense of community I feel when I use the park.
Going for a walk around the park is a great date activity, especially on a warm summer evening. After a few laps, find a bench to sit on, look up at the stars, and talk about the future. Walking is a great activity for strengthening marriages because it gives couples a chance to have uninterrupted time to communicate. Walking means getting out of the house, fresh air, exercise, and alone time. It reduces anxiety because it decreases cortisol levels (which increases with stress and so decreasing it produces a sense of peace and clarity.) 

https://www.bellevuewa.gov/downtown_park_and_rose_garden.htm

Goldmyer Hot Springs

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Nestled in the foothills of the Cascades, Goldmyer Hot Springs might be the wildness experience you and your spouse are looking for!  Hike or mountain bike to the oasis on the Middle Forks Trail through one of the last remaining old-growth forests in the PNW (some of the trees are over 900 years old).  Once you arrive, check-in with the caretakers, and get ready to unwind and relax in one of the three hot springs or cold pool.  The three hot pools are all interconnected and the temperature decreases as it moves down each pool, with a temperature range from 111 to 104 degrees.  One of the favorite spots is the pool located in a cave.

Only 20 people per day are allowed to use the pools, so it’s best to call ahead and make a reservation.  Keep in mind that amenities are limited.  They include an open-air cabana, campsites, picnic tables, outhouses, and a bike rack.  The price is $15 per day and $5 to camp overnight.

Hiking is a great way to unwind, unplug, exercise, and reconnect.  Taking the time to breathe fresh air and enjoy the sights and beauty of nature is sure to be a rewarding experience.  Soaking in the hot springs can help soothe aching muscles, and help with stress relief and relaxation.  This trip may be just the thing to feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

http://www.goldmyer.org/index.php?m=1

At Home Spa Night

I don’t know about you, but stress brings out some of the worst in me.  I become irritable and honestly, not a very pleasant person to be around.  My ability to be a kind, rational person seems to go out the window.  I had a moment last night on my way home from work where my stress reached critical mass.  I was on the phone with a friend and the more they tried to help the stressful situation I was trying to fix, the more I got angry and annoyed.  It was at the point that nothing they said was going to change or help anything.  I didn’t want to be around people and I needed a break.  I just wanted to go home, turn out the lights, and call it a day.

We’ve all have times where stress has surmounted and wreaks havoc on our relationships with our spouse or loved ones.  One way I have personally found that helps me remedy stress and anxiety is to take a time out and do something for myself.  A little bit of pampering can really help settle my feelings and bring me back to reality.  Sometimes a night in is just what we need.  Doing it together with your spouse is even better!

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I’ve included two recipes (one for a facial and one for a foot soak) with items you probably already have at hand.  Feel free to make the evening as elaborate as you’d like, but I prefer to keep it simple.

Face Mask: Honey and Cinnamon (optional).  Honey is great for your skin!  It is moisturizing, antibacterial, anti-inflammatory and has antioxidants.  The added cinnamon in this recipe has healing properties and brings blood and oxygen up to the outer layers of the skin.  The ratio for this recipe is about 3 parts honey to 1 part cinnamon.  Apply the mask and leave on for 20 minutes.  Rinse with warm water.

Foot Scrub: Listerine and Vinegar.  I know this recipe sounds weird, but trust me!  Add about ¼ cup of Listerine and ¼ cup of vinegar (I suggest apple cider vinegar) to some water and soak your feet for 10 minutes.

Ferry, Pizza, & Ice Cream

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This date combines three really great things- a scenic ferry ride, pizza, and famous ice cream.  The adventure begins at Pier 52 along the Seattle waterfront- the Seattle Ferry Terminal.  Purchase walk on tickets to Bainbridge Island and enjoy beautiful scenery as the ferry taxies you across Elliott Bay.  Once you arrive on the island, you will have plenty of time to explore the shops and beauty of the small town of Winslow.  Along the way, grab a slice (or whole) pizza from the cute little pizza shack, “That’s A Some Pizza”.  There is both indoor and outdoor seating available along this quaint tree lined street.  As you continue your walk along Winslow Way, there will be plenty of boutiques selling art and clothing.  An ice cream cone is a perfect ending to this fun date.  Stop at Mora’s Creamery for some fresh churned dessert.  I must warn you, there are so many delicious and unique flavors that it can be difficult to decide which one you want!  In addition to traditional flavors there are unique flavors such as lavender, ginger, and grapefruit.  One of my personal favorites is mora (blackberry).  Make your way back to the ferry terminal to return to Seattle.  I especially love coming back in the evening because the Seattle skyline looks amazing!

This is also a great family date, double/group date, or fun activity for out of town guests.

Our spouse and families should be a high priority.  We can deepen and strengthen our relationships as we simply spend time together.  I love this quote from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner… and by just having fun together.  In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time.  Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home.  We talk with, rather than about, each other.  We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities.”

Take some time this week with your spouse to have fun and show your love.

Links to information on the ferry schedule, the pizza place, and Mora ice cream:

http://www.wsdot.com/ferries/schedule/ScheduleDetailByRoute.aspx?route=sea-bi

http://www.thatsasome.com/

http://moraicecream.com/

Crossroads Open Mic Night

This is the perfect date for couples with musical talent, or even for those who just appreciate listening to music.  The 1^st Thursday of every month, Crossroads Mall has an open mic night.  The show is from 6-9pm and sign ups begin at 5:30.  You are allowed to perform 2 songs or 8 minutes of music (whichever is shorter).  They have a great sound system and a technician who will gladly help you get set up and balance the sound. 

Head over early and grab some dinner at one of the many restaurants in the food court. (I know it sounds weird to suggest eating in a food court, but Crossroads is known for their amazing food court with dishes from many places around the world.)

So, enjoy some international cuisine and sit back and enjoy the musical performances from people in the community.  If you can’t find a sitter for the kids, bring them along.  Often you’ll see little kids at the base of the stage dancing.  It’s pretty adorable.

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Performing together puts couples in a situation where they are vulnerable.  According to Brene Brown, vulnerability is at the center of having meaningful experiences and relationships.  It will be an exhilarating and rewarding experience to go out there and perform in front of an audience.  In a marriage, individuals should feel safe and trust that they can be open and vulnerable without fear of their partner choosing not to love them back.  Have the courage to get on that stage and be seen without fear of criticism or unacceptance.

In addition to the open mic night, there are live performances on most nights of the week.  This includes local schools, folk dancers, jazz bands, pianists, children’s story tellers, and even a harmonica player.

Check out the schedule for upcoming performances at the link below:

http://www.crossroadsbellevue.com/EventsCalendar/MonthView